Everything here is clean or, at most, mildly cheeky, and sorted by subject so you can find one for the
occasion you have in mind. The letters down the right-hand side of each card show the rhyme scheme, and the two
short lines are set in, so you can see the form while you read.
The joke is the comparison nobody states: feeding a teenager like a zoo animal.
Ninety-one
Clean
My grandfather, ninety-one years,A
Has outlived his physicians’ careers.A
When they tell him “cut down,”B
He just nods, with a frown,B
Then attends their retirements with beers.A
Escalation to a reversal: the patient outlives the doctors, then parties at their send-off.
The parrot
Cheeky
My grandmother’s parrot, called Fred,A
Repeats everything that is said.A
So at Christmas, of course,B
He told Auntie, with force,B
All that Gran used to whisper in bed.A
The parrot does what the setup promised, at the worst possible moment.
The window seat
Clean
At the airport, my uncle named DwightA
Got a seat he declared “not quite right.”A
So he switched with a man,B
Then a nun, then a nan,B
And he landed in Oslo that night.A
The short lines are a list that runs too long, which is the joke.
Animal limericks
The Zoom call
Cheeky
When I work, my old tabby named LouA
Likes to sit on the laptop. He knewA
That the Zoom call was live,B
And at quarter to fiveB
He presented his bottom on cue.A
Anyone who works from home with a cat recognises this one. Cheeky, but only just.
The chilli
Clean
A chef with a passion for spiceA
Said his chilli was mild, and quite nice.A
One small taste, and a guestB
Had to lie down to rest,B
And the fire crew’s been round there twice.A
Understatement in line two, the truth in line five. The number at the end makes it.
Everyday life
The smart speaker
Clean
Our smart speaker, eager to please,A
Heard my husband say “order some cheese.”A
Now the doorbell won’t stop,B
There’s a van from the shop,B
And we’re up to our necks in the bries.A
A modern setup with an old-fashioned ending: the joke is in how much cheese.
New year, new gym
Clean
I joined a new gym in JulyA
With a plan and a gleam in my eye.A
I went twice, maybe thrice,B
And the membership priceB
Works out at a hundred a try.A
The punchline is arithmetic. Every gym member has done this sum.
The Christmas lights
Clean
My neighbour, a fellow called Ray,A
Puts his Christmas lights up in mid-May.A
By the time it gets cold,B
They’re a sight to behold,B
And the airport has asked him to pay.A
Escalation from one neighbour to a whole airport, in five lines.
Classic limericks by Edward Lear
From A Book of Nonsense (1846), in the
public domain. Lear printed them in fewer lines to fit his drawings; they are set in five lines here. Notice how often
he ends on the same word he started with, which modern limericks avoid.
Edward Lear
Clean
There was a Young Lady whose chinA
Resembled the point of a pin;A
So she had it made sharp,B
And purchased a harp,B
And played several tunes with her chin.A
Pure nonsense: a problem solved in the least sensible way.
Edward Lear
Clean
There was an Old Man who said, “Hush!A
I perceive a young bird in this bush!”A
When they said, “Is it small?”B
He replied, “Not at all;B
It is four times as big as the bush!”A
The whole joke is in the last line's proportions.
Edward Lear
Clean
There was an Old Man in a tree,A
Who was horribly bored by a Bee;A
When they said, “Does it buzz?”B
He replied, “Yes, it does!B
It’s a regular brute of a Bee.”A
Bored by a bee, not frightened: Lear's deadpan at its best.
Why these work
Every good limerick on this page does three things. It gives the listener one specific
situation in the first two lines (a cat, a gym, a seat on a plane). It uses the two short lines to
speed things up, usually with a list or a quick escalation. And it saves the
surprise for the last word: Oslo, beers, pay.
Edward Lear's ‘There was an Old Man with a beard’ is probably the best known clean limerick. Three more of Lear's are on this page, all in the public domain.
What makes a limerick funny?
A punchline that lands on the very last word, usually by revealing something the first four lines hid. The examples here each have a note on how the joke works.
Are these limericks free to use?
The modern limericks were written for this site and can be used in cards, speeches and classrooms without attribution. Lear's are in the public domain.
Are there rude limericks on this page?
No. This page sticks to clean and mildly cheeky examples. The limerick generator has a Rude setting for adults who want the other kind.